how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
