Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
