I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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