check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I am midnight drunk by noon
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
