woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
