There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
