you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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