and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
