Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
