My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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