Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
