when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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