My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
