Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
