I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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