Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
