yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
