I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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