i just google imaged poop.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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