Porn is love you can see.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
