i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
