I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
