I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
