i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
