How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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