I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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