so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
