i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
