Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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