You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Boobs speak an international language.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
