no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
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I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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