Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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