You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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