I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
