Why does Corona taste like a burp?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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