I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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