One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
