your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
