we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
