Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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