Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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