he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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