I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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