I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
