if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
