I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
