I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
