Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
