i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
