I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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