she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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