ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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