I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
