this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
