My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
