I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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