Can Purell be used as lube?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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