I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
