i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
