OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As shirtless as possible
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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