based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
