Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
