and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
