This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
