I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
