phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
