I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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