That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
