You're completely useless in the revolution.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
