i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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