Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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