Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
