someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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