hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
last night I used snow as a chaser
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
