i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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